Kwento Ko 1: Single Mother
Adoption Awareness Month 2022
Ms. Amor Rebibis tells us about her experience as an adoptive parent. She adopted her 15 year old son Moses when he was only a month old. Moses likes history, reading, and occasionally playing video games.
Moses’ was the 9th child of his biological family, and due to their socioeconomic conditions, they arrived at the decision to have him adopted. Originally, Moses was supposed to be adopted by someone else, however, that person ended up pregnant prior to taking him in. Now abandoned, my mom, upon finding out that there was a baby in the school my sibling was in, asked me to check it out. At first, I did not have an interest in doing so as I also had other plans that day. Yet, as I arrived and saw the child, I had the urge to carry him, and he fell asleep in my arms. From then on, I did not let go of him.
1. How has the experience of being an adoptive parent been for you?
I really felt the challenge of being a single mom now that I am living independently from my parents. However back when I was still with them, I had this support system, like my mom who helped me physically take care of the child. When Moses started studying, I already felt the struggle financially, having to provide for his educational expenses. When I decided to have him homeschooled, I did not want to oblige my mom to teach, so I had to do that along with working. The first few years were not as difficult as I thought they would be because of the support I got from my parents.
2. Have you always planned on becoming an adoptive parent? What were the reasons you decided to adopt?
I did not have a plan at all. It was an overnight decision right when we saw and took him to the hospital. We even had a debate because originally, my mom wanted him to be my brother, meaning she would be the one to adopt him. Also, I was only 24, and I was not financially stable yet, along with the stigmas surrounding single mothers. Yet, whenever he was with my mom at that time, he was always crying, especially at night. On the other hand, with me, he had no issues. Eventually, after taking around 3 months of convincing, my mom finally said yes to me adopting Moses.
3. Were there changes and challenges that your family encountered and overcame upon adoption? If so, what were they?
The specific and personal challenge I had at that time was that I had a boyfriend, and the plan was when we get married, we would leave Moses with my mother. I had to make the decision to let go of the relationship because Moses may not be my biological son but he was still my child. There was nothing right about what my boyfriend was asking of me. What made the decision tough was having to let go of someone I’ve known for so long. Yet, when this issue came up, I knew that this was the answer I was looking for - to say no to that relationship, because I was being made to choose.Another challenge was really being able to make sound financial decisions. Unlike before, I have to be conscious about my spending and my lifestyle. Actually, that was one of the benefits when I got Moses, that I was able to mature. I learned how to budget, especially since I did not want to depend on my parents. I made the decision of adopting the child, therefore I must know how to work independently.Back when I was still at my parents’ house, I also struggled with how my mom and I clashed with our ideals on raising a child. These are the challenges I faced, but I really can’t think of a major problem that I encountered.With Moses, in terms of experiences with bullying or anything related, thankfully, since he was homeschooled, we had no issues. His friends are mostly from Church as well whom he grew up with. However, whenever he is introduced to new people, of course, it is noticeable that he only has a mom - I even remember when he was younger, he’d introduce himself by “Hi I’m Moses! I am adopted” and when he’ll be asked “Moses, Moses, where’s your dad?”, he’d answer, “I told you, I’m adopted!”. I think the only concern that he had were questions about having a father, mostly when he was 7-8 years old. During those moments, I just tell him about my experience growing up with my dad. This is probably because of the Father-child activities in Church, like camping. Yet, I am lucky because his friends and their dads from Church always invite and include him to such recreational activities. I guess what helped talaga with his self-awareness and confidence is making the decision on-set, would share his story since he was little. I did this through night stories - something like a chicken finding an egg. Because of these, he’s not new to the actual stories of his adoption. My family is also very talkative so I knew I should share it to him before he finds out from others.
4. What misconceptions are there about families with adopted children and the act of adoption itself do you want to debunk?
I always hear from people that “Ang bait bait mo naman, you’re making a huge sacrifice” or “Ang swerte naman nung bata” but you know, it’s not that. First of all, it was really me who was blessed when he came. Back when I was younger, I was only thinking of shallow things and when I got him, you know, my life turned around. If it wasn’t for him, I probably would not have any savings because of my spending on several things.I also became a Christian because of my son. There was a time when he was crying nonstop and I did not know what to do. Even my mom told me that “kaya mo na yan, ganyan talaga”. So I was just there, about to cry too. Then, for the first time, I prayed. “Lord, I want to be a good mom, I want to be a good parent for my child .” From that moment, I arrived at a realization that there was already someone depending on me. I don’t know how but that was also the time the Gospel was being shared, and when I said yes to Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior, I realized that for me to be a good parent, my heart should be captivated with the Gospel.There were a lot of blessings since he came. Therefore, I’d like to debunk the idea that it’s not just the child who is lucky when you adopt, but it’s really both of you who are blessed with each other’s lives. Of course, I won’t deny that I wouldn’t know what his life would be if he stayed with this biological family, but at the same time, he had a big impact on my life as well.
5. What advice or words of encouragement can you give those married couples with or without children who may be interested in adoptions but currently have apprehensions about it?
What I usually hear from those who want to adopt is “What if hindi ko gusto ang ma-adopt ko?” or “Paano kung masama yung ugali.” Well, when you conceive a child, you also won’t know what you’ll get. Biological or not, there will always be struggles in raising a child. So if you’re called to adopt, my advice is to just go for it because it would be such a waste if I forgo the opportunity to have a child.Actually, I wanted to adopt another child when Moses turned 5, but I always thought that “Ah, pag nag asawa nalang ako kasi if I get married, at least hindi unfair sa bata na single parent yung kasama niya.” That’s what I have always thought, until one day, my then 10-year-old son asked me “When are you going to adopt ba again?” I told him my fears and answered “Alam mo, ikaw, you’ve been asking me about a dad- eh wala naman, single si mommy.” He then responded, “There are so many kids out there and a single mom is better than none.”That was 5 years ago, due to my hesitations brought by the fears and questions, I felt like I wasted the opportunity of having another member of the family.The process of adoption is not easy, from the matching process, it takes time, Go with the papers anyway, if you change your mind, at least the papers are already there. You’d still have to go through police clearance, and other requirements, and so on. At least the papers are ready, you can proceed to the next steps. Once you have finished the process, you’ll be surprised at how - how you’ll fall in love with the child. Children are blessings from the Lord that’s why I believe that it would be an amazing journey for those who are wanting to adopt